RACE (Part 2 - Parenting Decolonized with Yolanda Williams)

This is a conversation with Yolanda Williams, founder of Parenting Decolonized, a podcast and educational platform that focuses on the ways that racist structures and white supremacy impact the black family. We get into the ways the process of  decolonization looks different for black and white families, the role of capitalism in creating a racial divide in the United States, the root of the reasons that black parents tend to parent their children with violence and harshness, what ally-ship means (and doesn’t mean), and the importance of seeking out and teaching our kids the truth about the history of race in America.

Yolanda Williams is a Certified Positive Discipline Coach and Host of the podcast Parenting Decolonized, a show that unpacks how colonization has impacted the black family and teaches parents how to raise liberated black children without breaking their spirits. When she’s not advocating for the safety and liberation of black children from white supremacy and parental oppression, she’s chasing her toddler around the house and trying to remain sane.

Find Yolanda on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and support her work through Patreon!

You can find "The Talk" on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, and If you'd like to contribute to the conversation by sharing your story about one of our episode topics, you can do so by sending a voice memo or an email to thetalk@thetalkthepodcast.com. 

Transcript

Yolanda Williams: When we do it, when we are brutalizing our children, we're thinking in our heads, "I'm protecting them from white supremacy," not understanding fully that nothing can protect them from white supremacy. It doesn't matter what we do, they can still be killed, they can still be taken from us at any time. And that is the hard part about being a black parent.

You're listening to "The Talk", a podcast where we explore the possibility of creating a radical new communication environment between parents and children. An environment that's open, honest, and candid, and where nothing is off-limits. 

Yolanda Williams is a conscious parenting coach and the founder of Parenting Decolonized, a podcast and online educational platform that aims to expose and address the ways that colonialist mindsets and white supremacy impact black families. When we think of colonialism, we often think of an archaic and inhumane period in Western European history that we've long since moved past. But the reality is that colonial and imperialist acts and legacies have rippled down through the centuries and have created structures that continue to uphold an imbalance of power and equity between white and black, brown, and indigenous populations in our country. And Yolanda is all about working to ensure that these imbalances are recognized, called out, and addressed. In case you missed it, Yolanda was a recent guest on our episode about non-verbal communication, and she's back to talk with us about parenting our children with healthy perspectives on systemic racism privilege and why allyship is no longer enough.

Jeremy: I am going to be really honest with you, I feel really unqualified to be sort of facilitating this conversation. A lot of white parents, myself included, are a little bit nervous about, or unsure about, taking up spaces that are not ours. And so then "what part of the conversation?" "How do we come to the conversation?" is a question in our minds. I know that Parenting Decolonized, you focus on how colonial influences impact black families. And the thing that that I think about when I am listening to your podcast or checking out your stuff is that those same influences also impact white families, but they get into our mindsets in a really different and insidious way.

Y.W.: Yes, it's definitely different. I do believe that white people have to decolonize as well. When I speak of decolonizing, it really is just a way of wading through the messaging and the constructs and the systemic structural barriers that are put in place for black people, people of color. But that also, for white people, that means, "OK, so how do I invest in and benefit from this?" And when you look at that and you look at the very, like you said, insidious ways that white supremacy presents itself, it starts to become—I feel like some people and some white people are like "Damn, this is a lot. This is a lot I have to—. This is a lot of research, this is a lot of trying to figure out, like you said, can I even be having this facilitating this conversation?" It's a lot of question marks, it's a lot of exploration into yourself and what it means to be a white person. And I feel like that's intimidating for a lot of people who aren't really used to doing that kind of work, that kind of explorative work. But I know so many people. My page is large and I see the willingness to do that exploration. So for me, when I'm posting, I think about—there's times where I'll post and I'll just be like "Hey, black parents." Or I'll specifically be talking about or to black people but for the most part, I feel like I'm pretty general because white supremacy affects everyone negatively. It is a social construct that is a dangerous one because it means that someone has to be oppressed, which means there has to be an oppressor. And I know it's difficult for white people to be like, "I'm not oppressing anyone specifically. I'm not doing that." But that's where the exploration into "How do I invest in and how do I benefit from this construct?" And even though you're not doing the oppressing, the system that you benefit from and invest in is, so it's kind of like you're a byproduct of that. You're being an oppressor in that.

Jeremy: I feel like we, as white parents and white people, have to admit that if we are not doing that work, that we are remaining complicit in that system. Because it's a system and because it's bigger than any individuals, that inaction is complicity.

Y.W.: I think there's a lot of confusion because even today when we discuss anti-racism and we discuss diversity and equity and inclusion, there's always this sort of like, "Well, I'm an ally, I'm an anti-racist." But then you ask— Ok, for instance, I did something with Oregon State, a parenting coaching workshop, and I and I asked them, "How often do you talk to your clients about race?" Now this is again, Oregon, right? A really white state, so I was like, "How often do you do it?" And most of them said, "Almost never." And I was like, "Well, how many of you consider yourself an anti-racist?" And everyone was like, "I'm an anti-racist." I was like, "How can you be an anti-racist if you never discuss race?

Jeremy: It's an active word.

Y.W.: It's an action. Exactly. But I think what people mistake is, "Well, if I don't say I'm anti-racist, it must mean I'm racist. It must mean that I participate in racism." And it's like, no, anti-racism is an action that you do, that you're actively helping to dismantle these systems that you benefit from. And that work is not easy.

Jeremy: I actually want to ask about that, about the word allyship and that word that's been around for a while. And, to me, the word ally sort of implies an inactive level of support. And I want to ask you if you think that calling oneself an ally is enough because I don't feel like it is. I feel like, not only is it sort of an inactive word, but it also still means that there are an "us" and a "them," a "you" and an "us," and if we are supporting the black community, then we're still looking at ourselves as not part of a larger community of humans. Does that sound right and make sense?

Y.W.: No, I totally get what you're saying and I completely agree. I don't feel like allyship—I feel like the word is misused, overused, and people assign themselves as an ally. And that's weird to me. There's a website called Whiteaccomplices.org and there's a way for you to look at what your actions are and if you're actually what is called an actor or if you're an ally or if you're an accomplice because an accomplice is where you want to be. An accomplice is someone who is not supporting the black or brown communities in this fight, they are helping to lead. As a black person, I cannot dismantle white supremacy. I don't have that kind of power. However, white people with power, privilege, and access can. So we are your allies, really. I'm here to tell you, "This is what we need, and here is this information. Please do this thing to dismantle this so I can no longer be oppressed." But the word ally is really sort of like a lazy sort of activism. It's like a lot of people will say, "I'm an ally," and their activism doesn't go beyond a Black Lives Matter frame on social media. So, and I get that there has to be a starting place, so don't get me wrong, I feel like if you are thinking you're an ally, then you need to be looking at, OK, what does that mean for me? What kind of actions am I doing? Am I just saying like, "Oh, I don't like racism. I think it's bad," and that's where it ends. Are you getting into Internet sites and that's worth it? Or are you actively calling your senator? Are you actively making sure your money is going to certain organizations? Are you paying to be educated by black people on this subject? Are you listening to black people or are you just buying books from white people because that's easier for you to digest? There's all kinds of things you can do. So whiteaccomplices.org is actually from a white man and he did a really good job of laying out are you an actor, an ally or an accomplice? And then another white woman, I need to remember her name, she goes even further and she's like, "I want to be someone's comrade. I'm in this with you." She takes it a step further about how we can be in this together and not look at it like, what you said, from an individual perspective, but from a more collaborative perspective of giving to this one goal and that one goal is dismantling white supremacy. If people really understood that what is really at the root even of white supremacy, in this country specifically, is about capitalism. Toxic capitalism. And if we really want to go into the big issues, when I say that's against them, it's the one-percenters, these people who don't give a crap about us, versus everyone else. And then what they did was they came in and they were like, "No, no, no, don't look at us. Look at the brown people. They are taking all your stuff. And so you guys fight among each other," while they're back here stealing all the wealth, hoarding all the wealth, and creating these systemic issues. And so really, when people realize that that's the biggest threat and white supremacy helps sustain that power structure, then I think will be much better off. But white supremacy is such a large issue in and of itself. It's hard to sort of get people to see. That's why on my page recently, I've been really talking about capitalism and billionaires and how it's a failure. Having billionaires, people making 80 billion dollars and that kind of thing should be a sign of how toxic this country is. But we celebrate it. So it's like we have our priorities mixed up.

Jeremy: And it's crazy how people who will never see one percent of that wealth in their lifetimes get so indignant and so upset about the principle of dismantling that wealth. It doesn't make any sense.

Y.W.: It makes no sense! I'm like, "Why? You don't know why you even know these people." And let me just tell you, they don't give a damn about you because if they did, they would be pooling their resources so there wouldn't be homeless, so there wouldn't be children living in poverty, so we can all have health care, but these people fight, literally own lobbies, and fight against you being able just to pay your rent. And you are capping for them like you're paid to do it. It's weird.

Jeremy: Yeah, it is. It's weird. Let's talk about kids, let's talk about our kids and one thing that seems pretty evident is that in America, there are some fundamental differences in the ways that black kids are raised and the way that white kids are raised. And some of those differences are as a result of sort of generational patterns and some of those differences are because there are very real, tangible, existential threats to black children growing up in this country. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Y.W.: Yeah, and that's why my business really does center on how the black family experience is different. 70 percent or so of people who have children spank their kids, right? 

Jeremy: 70 percent? Is that really...wow. That seems insane. That seems insane in this generation.

Y.W.: In 2021 we still be here hitting kids and it's still legal. In 19 states, allowed in schools. That's a whole different story. So 70 percent of families hit their kids. However, the largest group of people to do that are black people. Now, the reasons that we do it can seem similar, right? I want to keep my kid out of jail. I want to make sure that they are upstanding citizens of this world and are able to follow rules and blah, blah, blah, whatever reasons people give. So I hear that in every single race and culture. The difference is the way we were socialized and the way we were taught to be parents. So if you think about—just kind of going way back to 1619, when the first enslaved people were kidnaped and trafficked out into the US and to the Caribbean, those people who were kidnaped were young Africans. So if you think about the age of those people, they're teenagers and young people. Pregnant women couldn't make that journey by boat. So people learned to be parents on the plantation. And how do you think they learned to be parents? What was instilled in them on a plantation? You are inferior. You are stupid and lazy, even though they were doing all the work. You don't deserve your full humanity. You need white people to tell you what to do. You are inherently bad. All these messages. Now black Africans really revere children. Part of a tradition in one part of Africa, the greeting translated to "How are the children today?" That was the greeting. So when they would meet each other, that was what they would ask each other because that's how important—they knew that in order for society to function well, the children have to be OK. So that was sort of beaten out of a lot of people, that reverence. And then on top of that, it also created this need, like if the children did remain with their parent, the parent wants to protect them from being brutalized, so they would denigrate their children in order to protect them. So that enslaver might say something like, "Oh, he's smart." And the mom is like, "No, he's stupid." Like, "No, you don't want to sell him away. He's going to be useless."

Jeremy: Right, because she doesn't want her child taken away.

Y.W.: Yeah, but these are things that went throughout. It gets ingrained in our DNA. It's epigenetics. These kind of traumas get ingrained in our DNA. So fast forward then you got the reconstruction period where it was just a really, really, really dangerous time to be a black person. I mean, lynchings and all the other stuff were just commonplace and so you have black parents who are just like, "I need to protect you at all costs, so you have to listen to me and you have to do it now, this is survival." And then you've got the Civil Rights era. Same thing, right? And then, I just realized this watching the Netflix thing about the crack epidemic, the same thing. So I lived in L.A. growing up and I had to think about the fact that I grew up in the 80s and 90s and crack was a thing. And so I get why parents were like, "You need to stay in. We need to keep you close. You need to listen to me. I don't want you being in a gang. I don't want to see you dead." I get why they felt they had to rule with the iron fist. So all these decades and these time frames that were oppressive to black people sort of trickled down to parenting. And so when we do it, when we are brutalizing our children, we're thinking in our heads "I'm protecting them from white supremacy," not understanding fully that nothing can protect them from white supremacy. Breonna Taylor was asleep and she was killed, Trayvon Martin just wanted to get home and eat his Skittles and he was killed. And the one that hurts me the most, Tamir Rice, is 11 years old, playing in a park with a toy gun and he was killed. So it doesn't matter what we do, they can still be killed. They can still be taken from us at any time. And that is the hard part about being a Black parent. That's the difference between being a white parent or another parent of color versus being specifically a Black parent because anti-Black racism is so pervasive and ingrained in the United States that at any moment, we just know our children can be snatched from us at any time. And so you want to hold on tight. And sometimes that want to protect them becomes violent. And so for me, when I thought about that and becoming a parent and becoming a parent coach, I had to come to grips with like, "Hey, this is why they're doing this." And I don't want to make anyone feel bad for white supremacy infiltrating, putting that fear in their heads. What I want them to understand is they don't have to live in fear, but that fear is always going to be there, right? So what can we do about it but live as free and as liberated as possible? Because, again, we don't know. I have no control over what's going to happen tomorrow, but I do have control of my home and I refuse to live centering white supremacy in my life by brutalizing my child. So that's sort of the differences there.

Jeremy: When you think about Gia when she is growing up and becoming a teenager and she's going to leave the house, are there ways that you're thinking ahead to that, that you are feeling like, "How do I best prepare her? How do I tell her about the realities of being a black child growing up in the world?" Like what goes through your mind?

Y.W.: All the time. And having a girl, a black girl, she's going to have to deal with patriarchy and racism. And so that's the hardest part for me, because I'm just like, my child is just—and now she is diagnosed with autism, she got the official diagnosis a few weeks ago. So it's just three marginalized identities and how am I going to protect my baby? I think about it constantly. And the truth is, I can only protect her by helping her know herself as best as possible, helping her have as much confidence in herself, having cultural pride. So I do really specific things. One is controversial for a lot of people, but I only allow black dolls in my house. I do not allow any other dolls and that's simply because she'll have her whole life to see—and we leave the house, so she sees other people wherever we go. So people are like, "Well, the world is multicultural." Right. And she's going to be out in the world.

Jeremy: That's the point.

Y.W.: That's the point, exactly. In this home I need for her—I want to normalize that dark skin because we're light-skinned black people and we have privilege within the black community as light-skinned people. So I want to normalize dark skin is beautiful. So all of her dolls are really dark-skinned, little chocolate babies. And then I have art. It's all of mostly Black women, dark-skinned Black women. And if it's not women, it is dark-skinned men, but it's all of Black people. I really make it a point to instill as much cultural pride in her as possible because the world will do all it can to tear, to beat that out of her, to make her feel bad about herself. I mean, we're seeing more people, more Black people, in media and on movies and everything else, but anti-Blackness, like I said, is really pervasive. And the microaggression every single day that people have to deal with, those kinds of things can start to eat at you. I mean, I have people in my group that are like, "My five-year-old, she says that she doesn't want to play with her black Barbie. She only wants to play with the white Barbies," or "She wishes she had blond hair." These things come up, especially if she's going to start school. And so I want her to always see herself reflected in her books. I only allow books with Black characters unless it's an animal. But when it comes to a human, it's Black characters and I try to make it Black girls. I want to see herself reflected in the art in the books. And then I also plan to teach her real history. I don't plan on—she's going to go to a developmental preschool, but after that, I have no intention of putting her in school out here. It is a bunch of lies and I can't have my child in a place that— I mean, they actually teach something called Arkansas history, what the hell is that? So I have no desire to put her in a school out here. Plus, it's one of the worst educational systems in the United States. So I'll be either unschooling or homeschooling just to ensure that she understands real American history and really just helping her traveling and I want her to see the world. I want us to go and experience things together. I think a well-traveled child, if possible, is a child who will grow up and have a lot of different views on life. The people who have kicked around the same five blocks their whole life are very problematic people. They don't have a world view. They only can see what's in front of them. So I want her to have a more expanded view. That's just a few of the things. 

Jeremy: I just want to underline what you said about teaching our kids the reality of history and not only the reality of history but the reality of current events because those current events are becoming history. I grew up in a suburban, rural white area. And even if you didn't in this country, you're taught a very, very one-sided history of the country, of the world. You mentioned capitalism before, but history is written, our history is written by capitalists because that's been the priority. But I do want to say that that the real information is out there and it's not that hard to find. And I think it's so important for parents to look for it, to be aware that the history that we were taught is so one-sided, and to look for the truth in the reality about history.

Y.W.: Can I ask you, as you've sort of looked at history from different perspectives, is there something that you learned that was very shocking to you from the United States history?

Jeremy: I did a pretty deep dive last year at some point and listened to a bunch of podcasts about the history of policing, the history of the police system, and the reality of why policing came into existence, and what its function was, and how that history and that legacy continues to function in much the same way today. That really woke me up. And it feels embarrassing sometimes that for thirty-eight years of my life, I have just been sort of, a little bit, behind this fog of the privilege that I have. And so it's, I feel like—my responsibility to lean into these things and to seek out these things is not going to end and now that I do have kids and we're in the world that we're in, I feel really responsible to continue to do that for them. For my sake and for their sake. I mean, that's one example of something that no one ever taught me.

Y.W.: No one taught anyone. I mean, I didn't know that for a very long time, I think I didn't find out, until I was in my 30s, the origins of the policing system in this country. I didn't really understand the history of reconstruction. If we really think about what are we taught, where it goes from slavery, then it goes to civil rights. We were not taught about the reconstruction era and how horrible it was for newly freed from enslavement people. We also were never really taught about indigenous discrimination and colonization, and I didn't know how horrible those schools that they sent all the kids to were, I had no idea. And so learning that stuff, it makes you sad. But then you get angry and then you're like, "I got to do something about this." And so that's kind of where I'm at. That's why I started my podcast. That's why I'm so passionate about it, because it made me so angry that I didn't know this stuff. Me not knowing was gatekeeping for white supremacy and for capitalism and for patriarchy, the big three.

Jeremy: And that was not an accident. You not knowing was not an accident.

Y.W.: Exactly. So now when you know better, you do better, and we hope. But I just wish there were more people who are willing to do, to know. And I think the reason that people aren't willing to do that work is because they know, after that, what excuse do you have?

Jeremy: Yeah, there's no going back.

Y.W.: There's no going back. It's like you took the red pill,

Jeremy: It's easier to not know. It's easier to not know.

Y.W.: Right. Dismantling means you lose stuff. So as a white person, if you're saying I'm going to dismantle white supremacy, you have to know that divesting from that, from your life, means you're going to lose things. You're gonna lose people, jobs, you're going to lose access and privilege. And people are just like, "I really like those things!" Well, that's just reality.

Jeremy: I mean, you're going to lose stuff, but if you can come to some kind of realization that that's stuff that you're going to lose; number one, the fact that you have it and have unquestioned and easy access to it is harming other people, and number two, that stuff that you're going to lose, you can come to the realization that you don't need it. You don't need it badly enough for it to be a thing that allows these systems that actually oppress people to to continue. You just don't.

Y.W.: Yeah, I just think it's scary for people to think about that, for white people to be like, "OK, I got to give up a lot." And so it really does require a lot of internal work, a huge mindset shift. And it's a call to a more collective way of being. Now, the collective ideals are not really ingrained. It's not something that white people grew up with. I mean, you tell me because I ain't white, but think about that. We've had to depend on each other for a lot over the years. We had to form villages in some way, right? But I don't—the rugged individualism is really something that harms white people specifically because it kind of makes it really hard to think in a collective way. But that's what's necessary in order for you to do any divesting. 

Jeremy: Right. I wanted to talk about individualism a little bit, too. And so I'm glad that you sort of brought up the segue to that. And also, like we were talking about before in our conversation a couple of months ago, you were talking about the idea of communities taking care of single parents better, the idea of communities, of just communities taking care of each other better. And when this legacy of the romance of individualism is such a part of our culture, I mean, Hollywood Westerns, the entire thing is this lone person perpetrating great deeds. I mean, forget the fact that they're actually trying to erase indigenous cultures of community. So,  these messages are thrown at us from everywhere. It's evident in the ways that people rail against socialism and social programs while simultaneously benefiting from them in a fit of irony. No one's teaching us that it's better to take care of each other. Oh, I wanted to connect this back to white people losing things by dismantling white supremacy. And that's the fallacy. The fallacy is that it's better to be on your own, strong enough, self-reliant by yourself. And that's how we get into this mess of not taking care of each other. That's how we get into this mess by not supporting each other in community.

Y.W.: I mean, we saw it play out during this COVID-19 pandemic, right? We saw the effects of rugged individualism. We saw the fact that the idea of collectivism, a community, is not something that is inherent in American culture. And we also saw, because it's not inherent in American culture, the people who were the consequences of that were black and brown people who are dying at higher rates in covid-19. And so it's going to require, like I said, a literal complete overhaul of everything you thought was true in order to be able to come to this completely new, different place. People really talk about bootstraps and people really think that everyone has equal opportunity. Like there are folks who are really like, "You could just do anything you put your mind to with the right education." It's like they really don't understand the barriers in place for black people. And so it really is, again, teaching history, but also a willingness to step outside of yourself and see yourself as part of a community versus "you versus them." For white people back in the day when they came to this country, the immigrants came over here, they were from all these beautiful cultural backgrounds, German and Irish and all these beautiful traditions are lost in order to assimilate into whiteness. And that's the sad part, because a lot of those traditions are collective. They do work together. They are people who have strong family connections, strong cultural traditions. But a lot of that was lost to just be a white person. And so I think also part of decolonizing for white people is reclaiming that. Where are you from? Where's your family from? What are the traditions of your family's country of origin? And kind of going back and looking at that and being like, "How can I incorporate this into my family now?" Because you, to sort of assimilate into whiteness, it makes you lose part of yourself, and that includes white people. That includes anyone that has any kind of proximity to whiteness, like Meghan Markle. She really had to—not to get political—but in order for you not to think that there is not going to be racism when you join an imperialist family, you have to disassociate yourself with your Blackness and you have to be more associated to whiteness. And so it causes you to lose part of yourself. And I think a part of this whole journey is also learning more about your family and traditions and who you are and becoming more aware of those things, which is why I actually sent off for DNA tests because I need to know. And I don't know if they'll be able to tell me as far as where specifically in Africa. I'm hoping they can, but it's been gnawing at me, it makes me sad to not know these things. It makes me feel like a part of me is missing. And there's so many beautiful traditions out there and I want to know where my ancestors came from. I want to visit there one day and I want to hopefully meet people that I'm related to out there one day because it was stolen and is lost. And if I can find a way to get back to it, I think it is strengthening the process of me decolonizing.

Jeremy: Yeah, that's such a great point about leaning into our heritage just because being white or being black is a—. 

Y.W.: It's a construct.

Jeremy: Yes. There's no history. There's no legacy. There's no connection to anything other than this big, lumped blob of what color you are. Anybody can, like you were saying before, can post ally-aligned posts on social media or whatever, but are there other ways that you feel that white parents of white kids can and should engage in that community support? And would you outline a couple of things like that?

Y.W.: Yeah, I think the biggest thing is it starts at home and it starts with us. So I think, as the parent, first look at yourself. Are you an anti-racist? Look up that definition and look at it and really think about the actions it requires for you to actually call yourself an anti-racist. And if you're not one, then what are the things you can start to do to become one? And then look at different things like, "What does my inner circle look like? Who's missing? As far as my library, who's missing from that?" Like books and that kind of thing. Look around you and just see whose voice is centered in your home; whose voice is centered and who's missing and what can you add to really start making your home also a place where race is not just discussed, is not taboo, is something that—you're actively using your home as a catalyst for change. And then when it comes to the kids, I feel like you've got to do that work yourself first and then you can start like talking to your kids about race. One of the biggest misconceptions is that kids don't see race and that is not true. Kids, babies, by six months, they're noticing racial differences because that's what our brains do. They categorize. And by age four, because of that age and how they play with each other, it's like what's the same and what's different, right? So if a four year old child is noticing, "All of my friends have the same skin color, but this person don't," they might start showing some signs of racial bias. Now, that's not saying they're racist. It's just they're noticing things and differences. So I think not letting your child know, "Hey, it's OK to notice skin color," but talking about these things, you're not helping them form a racial bias. You're actually helping them to learn how to see skin color and what it means, what race means, and how, you can say something, like especially for smaller children, like, "Oh, yes, she has brown skin. You have, you know, pinkish color skin. All skin is beautiful," like that kind of stuff. It doesn't have to be—we're not talking about going into police brutality at four. You can just start talking about sames and differences and identity. "She's left-handed and you're not," that kind of thing. It helps them. It helps them to start having that conversation and then just encouraging, using what's going on in the media to bring up these conversations with your kids. Ask them questions, see where they're at, especially with the teenagers, see where their minds are and what they've—especially if you haven't talked about it before—trust me, they have. And so if you don't teach it, the world's going to teach it. And we all know what the world teaches. They teach anti-blackness. It teaches racial bias. It teaches discrimination. That's just the truth. So it's really up to the parents to get to your child before the world does. And if you haven't had the conversation, you really should ask your child about it. Like, "So what do you think about black people? Like, how do you feel?" Just start having that open conversation and if you hear anything sort of suspect, it's up to you now to sort of change that narrative, but also monitor how you speak about people. Because they they're hearing you and they're seeing you and they're modeling. A lot of kids just model what they hear from their parents. So really pay attention to how you're speaking about black and brown people and try to just maintain open conversation. It should be an ongoing thing. And it should not be something that feels taboo to them. But also, if you are a white parent talking to them about the use of, it's called African American English. And a lot of kids use it. Using like, slang, and using words that are associated with the Black community, that's a no-no. It just is. There are certain words and certain things that white parents and white children just shouldn't say and do. Teach them about cultural appropriation and understanding that we're not saying, "Hey, don't do this" because it's just some arbitrary rule. These are things that Black people have adopted into our culture that we feel when other people use, they don't even understand the context of the things that they're saying. So in their libraries, so decolonizing their libraries, making sure that they have a diverse set of books in their home libraries, or you're checking them out from libraries in your city and looking at the characters in them. Do they represent families from different backgrounds and different types of homes? This includes the LGBTQIA community. They're here, y'all. So you can either, again, allow the world to give your child an opinion about it or you can help them form a healthy and respectful opinion about different types of people in families. And I think just being honest about what racism is, what bigotry is, giving them working examples so when they see something, they can say something. Teaching your child how to be an accomplice. Teaching them "Hey, when you—if you hear someone saying mean things to this child who is not white, please speak up." That kind of thing, because a lot of times they don't know what to do in those situations and they need our help to learn.

Thanks so much to Yolanda Williams for being part of this episode. You can find Parenting Decolonized on Facebook and Instagram and on the Web at parentingdecolonized.com. A lot of Yolanda's support comes from her patron and I encourage you, if you find her insight and information valuable, to consider becoming a Patreon supporter of Yolanda's work. You can do so by visiting patreon.com/parentingdecolonized.

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